She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Randomize
