Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
