I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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