I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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