just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
