I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
