I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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