i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
