no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
