I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
