Screwed.edu
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
