Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
