I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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