I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
