if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
