What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
