Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
