is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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