Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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