The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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