My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize