tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
