bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
