i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
