Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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