kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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