i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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