I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
