tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
