Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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