I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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