Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
