How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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