dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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