I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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