So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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