I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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