I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
