Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
