Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
