he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Dignity is for republicans.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
