im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
