So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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