i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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