if only i could text you this smell
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
