So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
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