fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
