we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
