Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
