god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
