I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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