Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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