i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
