My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
