She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My dick has a subreddit
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
