If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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