Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
