apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
