Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
