We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
