My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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