I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize