did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
