So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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