if i can run in heels then i can drive
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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