Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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