She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just pynch a tree in the face
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
