When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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