I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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